Come all ye faithful to


The CHURCH OF ARTEMUS: a 'holy'-owned subsidiary of the High Priestess.

                      TCoA Holy Icon:    THE ACTING GOD
                      High Priestess:    Sassy2
                      Holy Relative:     Great-Aunt Maude
                      Church Elder:      Elder Nelson with ccb a close second.
                      Vestal Virgin #1:  ...up for grabs

As High Priestess of the Church of Artemus, I do declare the following to
be an exact listing of the initiation rites and pledges required of all 
Church of Artemus devout.




                      Initiation Rites


1. Allow yourself to be pistol-whipped every Friday during the hour
   between 7:30 and 8:30 pm.

2. Learn, or at least use, one foreign language per week.

3. Consume one full bowl of Cherries Jubilee With Molasses.

4. Take Great-Aunt Maude as thy holy relative.

5. Hold at least one patent.


                       Pledge

As one humbled by the long theatrical shadow, carriage, and stunning good
looks of The Acting God, I, _________________, do hearby pledge:

   To take _The Night of the Murderous Spring_ to be my Holy Doctrine.

   To procure a copy of _Underwater Warrior_, viewing said film weekly upon
   the Cathode Altar.

   To accept Jeremeelzebub as the Anti-Gordon.

   To turn mine face from The Doomsday Formula, for upon the day I look upon
   its evil, armegeddon is upon me.

   To curse Frei-bugger for crimes against The Acting God for all eternity.

   To take The Burgundy Suit and The Cape as items of devotion, and go on
   pilgrimage to said items annually.

   To carry on our icon's good work by saving The Action God's butt as needed.

   To take a religious holiday whenever _The Night of the Extended
   Shirtlessness_ is upon the cathode altar.

   To consider July 3rd a day to celebrate a life.







Now repeat after the High Priestess: 

   "GREAT JUMPIN' BALLS OF SAINT ELMO'S FIRE, JIM --  WHAT WERE THOSE THINGS?"