POLITICALLY INCORRECT - Transcript of 4/22/02 show

Annabelle Gurwitch
Erin Shannon
Robert Conrad
Kevin Richardson

Bill: All right, quiet.
Welcome to "Politically Incorrect." Let me introduce you to our panel.
Annabelle Gurwitch is here, the star of "Pizza Man."

Annabelle: Well, you're not supposed to mention that, Bill.

Bill: And she's also the host for six years of "Dinner and a Movie" on TBS.
A favorite of many people.
And her new one is "Teddy Bear's Picture" --

Annabelle: "Picnic."

Bill: "Picnic." Out in theaters now.
Kevin Richardson, who everyone knows from the Backstreet Boys.
Also the president and founder of his own environmental organization, Just Within Reach.
Thank you for being here.
Erin Shannon, public relations director for The Building Industry Association of Washington State.
And Robert Conrad, TV's Baretta who --

[ Laughter ]

I'm sorry.
"Wild Wild --
I mixed that --

Robert: Call me Will Smith but don't call me Baretta.

Bill: And you can see him in the upcoming film "Dead Above Ground." I always wanted to be him.
And he can still beat me up.
Please give a hand to our panel.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Today is Earth Day, which, in the Bush Administration, is that one of day of the year when they know they got the photo-op, they go out to the woods, they have him stand under a tree and have him, basically, say, "I'm under a tree.
What is your problem with my environmental policy? Am I hurting the tree? No."
[ Light laughter ]

He announced the Clear Skies Program.
Always, always with the good names.
Clear Skies --
can't argue with that.
Which intends to cut acid rain 70% by the year 2018.
Because 2018, it's only acid from the sky.
What's the rush?
[ Laughter ]

And what I love about this one, it's market-based.
It encourages the polluters to help out.
Market-based, that's the new thing with pollution.
It's "Get them on our side market-wise." But, you know, same with health care.
Do you really think the market can do it? Or is this some place where government really should step in and just say, "Hey, we're government.
We're there for the greater good of all of us so just do it." Okay --

[ Laughter ]

That's my first question.
Robert Blake --

[ Laughter ]

Not much of an environmentalist, but --
no one's gonna answer that question?

Annabelle: Oh, not talking about the environment?

Bill: Yeah.

Annabelle: Well, you know --

Bill: Are you saying can the market really handle this?

Annabelle: No, some things should just not be controlled by the market.

Bill: All right.
There you go.

Annabelle: It's ridiculous.
Why should --

Bill: Let's say it while we're on the air.

[ Laughter ]

Erin: Because a free market is only the basis for the greatest, most powerful, most successful country in the history of the world.

Bill: Yeah, but that's the economy.
This is something else.
I did this originally with health care.
Same thing.
You know what?

Erin: Same thing.
Socialized health care has been so successful where --

Bill: We never tried it, okay? So that's one reason --

Erin: That's right.
Because we didn't have to.
Everyone else did.

Bill: Okay, but what we have now with --
let's not get on to health care, but you know what?

Kevin: Pretty successful in Sweden.

Erin: Not very successful in Canada.

Annabelle: You know what the truth is, though? The truth is that if people --

Erin: And socialized anything wasn't successful in the Soviet Union.

Annabelle: No, but if people we're really thinking forward, actually, it's true.
If they really thought about making money, they would invest in the environment because we're gonna run out of coal.
We're gonna run out of oil.
All these big polluters, eventually, that won't make money.
But what's gonna make money is renewable energy sources.
So if they really thought in advance, the guy who can figure out how to make hydrogen fuel cells --
now, I don't know what the hell a hydrogen fuel cell is.
I mean, I don't know what it looks like, what it would be, but if you could make money doing that, which there's scientists out there that know how to do, you would make a lot of money if you can invent that.

Bill: I'll tell you what a hydrogen fuel cell is to this administration.
It's a red herring.
It's something that they can point to and say, "You know, we're sinking money into this." You know why? Because that won't be around for another 10 or 20 years.
President Bush had one on the White House lawn recently.
And then he had a little girl, and he said, "You know what? I hope this little girl gets to see, before I die, a hybrid car." Hello? I've got one now.

[ Laughter ]

Annabelle: Right.

Robert: I've seen it.
And you don't want it.

[ Laughter ]

Bill: Wait.

Robert: I went down, and I went --

Bill: You have never been in it, so --

Robert: No, I saw it.

Bill: Saw it?

Robert: Yeah, and I got five grandchildren, and you can't get 'em in there unless you want them to be little ants.

Bill: You're wrong.
You're wrong.

Robert: You're car is so small, the little rat's a hunchback.
Please, Bill.

Bill: You're wrong.

Erin: If I want to drive an SUV, who --

Robert: No, I'm not wrong.
I've seen it.
That car is not a car that can take --
wait a minute, seriously.
My son, Christian, has five children, okay? So there's the wife --
wait, there's seven kids.
Where do you put them?

Annabelle: There's another alternative, right?

Kevin: There's a small SUV, electric, totally electric car, a small SUV electric car out right now.

Annabelle: But let's talk about money.
Because if our government doesn't start raising those standards --
is that what that's called? The gas mileage.
Other countries are building these cars that are more fuel-efficient.
We're gonna lose our money.
Detroit's gonna shut down because we can't compete.
So there's a financial incentive.

Erin: Detroit is responding to demand.
What people want are big SUVs.
They don't do it because that's what the car corporations want to do.

Kevin: Let's increase the gas mileage on the cars.

Erin: People want big SUVs.

Annabelle: I might want to go home and watch porn all day, but that's not gonna --

Erin: If we came out with a hybrid Suburban that looks like a Suburban and runs like a Suburban, I'll buy it.
But until then, don't tell me I have to drive some little, tin can death trap that gets 80 miles to the gallon.

Bill: Okay, I am not driving a little tin can death trap.

[ Laughter ]

You two selfish, selfish, selfish --
yeah, Detroit is responding to --
yes, of course.
That's because they're not the government.
They're business, that's what they do.
They respond to money.
The government isn't supposed to be that.

Erin: It's called supply and demand.
It's the basis of a free-market economy.

Bill: Yes, it's not the basis of what our government is.
The government is not supposed to react to supply --

Erin: What the government says is what goes?

Bill: No, the government's job is not to be in business.

Robert: Let me ask you a question.
I live the central Sierra Nevada mountains.
Right now, in my driveway, there are four feet of snow.
In 1910, where I live, it was recorded, in all of Northern America, 72 feet of snow.
I drive a four-wheel, I mean powered, right? You know what I'm saying? Four-wheel drive, got it? And it seats seven people.
I don't want to tell you that it's a Chevy Suburban, but that's what it is.

[ Laughter ]

How the hell am I gonna get up there in a storm in that little thing you're driving?

Bill: Okay, it's not --

Robert: I know what! I move to L.A. where there's nothing but pollution!

Annabelle: Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Kevin: It may not be practical for you, but it is practical for a lot of other people.

Robert: Hey, if you have no children, like Bill, no wife, no kids, then the government should mandate that you drive those little cars! But for those of us that like to kiss and hug, we're gonna drive the SUV.

[ Laughter ]

Kevin: How about for the four-wheel drive SUVs, they increase the quality of replacement tires, and we can save a couple billion --

Robert: I'm on your side, bother.
I'm for the environment 'cause I live in it.
I'm on your side.
But the hypocrisy of it is for people who live in L.A., in Sherman Oaks, telling us who live up in the Sierra Mountains, "Don't cut the trees.
I can't look at the lake.
I bought the property 'cause I wanted to look at the lake.
Don't cut the trees."

Annabelle: But you know what?

Erin: Don't drill in ANWAR because, God forbid, we find more oil or more resources.

Annabelle: Now that's a complete crock of crap, okay.
But you know why? Because the Arctic drilling, they know it's not going to give you oil for at least ten years, right?

Bill: Oh, and the amount of oil it's going to give you --

Kevin: You could save the amount oil we're ever gonna get in ANWAR by improving the standard of replacement tires on all our cars.

Bill: Or improving mileage.

Kevin: And improving gas mileage by two miles per gallon.

Erin: Our dependence on foreign oil is increasing every year.

Annabelle: That's right.
If we invested in renewable sources, we could create right here in this country.

[ Talking over each other ]

Kevin: BMW's making a hydrogen car right now.
I'm looking at that one.

[ Talking over each other ]

Robert: You know why I didn't interrupt him?

Annabelle: Why?

Robert: 'Cause I have a 15-year-old daughter.

[ Laughter ]

Annabelle: Wait, I have a 4-year-old son --

Robert: She wouldn't let me in the House.
"Do you know who that is, dad?"
[ Laughter ]

[ Applause ]

Bill: I'm the pussy, and you're the big, macho guy.
But you're afraid of your 15-year-old daughter.
Go ahead.

[ Laughter ]

Robert: Wait until you have a 15-year-old daughter.
You'll be scared to death.

Bill: That's too young.
Go ahead.

Annabelle: I just want to say you don't have to be a tree-hugging, lentil-eating, vegan freak like I am, which I'll admit, to care about the environment.
I have a 4-year-old son.
So while you're up there driving your SUV through the snow, most people in L.A. actually driving SUVs are not driving in the snow.
You see all those car commercials, these cars out in the Arctic tundra.
That's a crock of crap.

Bill: I don't mind people who are truly outdoors people who have that.
But yeah, exactly right.
It's so hypocritical, you talk about hypocrisy.
These people who need this off-road vehicle to go to the strip mall.

Erin: It's not a matter of need, it's a matter of want.

Bill: It's a matter of wanting.

[ Talking over each other ]

Erin: I can pay for a Suburban, so why shouldn't I be able to drive a Suburban? The government should have no say in what kind of vehicle I drive.

Kevin: If you drive a hybrid car, you can help stop dependency on foreign oil.
And that's very patriotic.
That's very American.

Erin: And as soon as they make a hybrid car that performs up to --

Bill: It does perform.
Have you done it? Have you been in it?

Kevin: Have you ever taken a test drive?

Robert: Don't raise your voice at her!
[ Laughter ]

I have seven daughters!

Erin: Thank you, sir.

Bill: Seven now?

Erin: Thank you.

Robert: I had seven the last time, Bill.
Come on.

Annabelle: Wait a minute.
Just because you want it --
okay, let's say you want to eat really cheap hamburgers that have e. coli in them? Well, that's not good for you.

Erin: But I can cook it.
And if that's the way I want to eat, I can take it in my kitchen and cook it.

Annabelle: But unsuspectingly, it might be served to you.
So we depend on the government to make standards for us.
We depend on the government to lead us to what's better for us.

Erin: We depend on the government for too much.
Government has certain basic functions.
And they have, by far, overstepped those functions?

Bill: Really? Our basic health and safety, that's not in there purview? The acid falling down from the sky, that's something that we should leave to the private sector?
[ Applause ]

Erin: And he's doing something about it, and still, you kick his ass for it.

Bill: He's doing something about it? He is allowing them to pollute more under the guise of --

Erin: No, he's not.

Bill: His lie is as bad as your lie about my car, except that I drive my car every day.
So I know what lie --

Erin: It's a voucher system where someone can say, "Hey, I'm not gonna pollute at all, and I'll sell you my voucher so that you can pollute a little bit more." What is wrong with that?

Bill: What is wrong with that?

Erin: Do you think we're ever gonna be in a world where there's no pollution?

Kevin: Why not invest money into that research?

Bill: Well, we're not going to be in a world with no commercials.

[ Applause ]

Robert Blake was arraigned and charged with murder one today.
So ironic.
Blake, who often played a cop, played Baretta with the cockatoo on his shoulder, now in prison, probably going to be seeing a cock-a-too.

[ Laughter ]

Bill: All right, back on our Earth Day show.
We're gonna talk about nuclear energy, but first, I just want to say something about my car.

[ Light laughter ]

Because you two are such demonizing liars.
You are liars.
You have not been in this car --

Erin: I've seen the car.

Bill: Wait a second! I am gonna tell you something now.
Because you know what? I have been pluggin' this car, and Toyota, they don't want to sell it.
They want to sell their SUVs.
They don't care about me and my car.
They don't even care, okay? But let me tell you, it is not a car, it is not what you are pretending it as.
Trent Lott tried to do that, he had that old purple car, as if we're all walking around a little tin can.
It is not uncomfortable, it is not powerless.
You don't have to plug it in.
It is just like every other reasonably sized car.
It's what everybody drives in Europe and it could beat your stupid car up a hill any day.

Robert: Not my Jaguar.

[ Laughter ]

I have one of those, too.

Erin: And I have been in one, Bill.
And they're tiny and they're small and they're not what I want.

Bill: Well, tiny and small --

Kevin: Not all of them are, there is a midsized --

Annabelle: Well, how selfish do you have to be --
[ Talking over each other ]

Erin: I paid a lot of money for a car and I want to get the car I want.

Bill: They're only tiny by your gluttonous standards.

[ Laughter ]

Erin: It's just because I don't agree with you.

[ Applause ]

Just because I don't agree with you doesn't mean I'm a demon, Bill.

Annabelle: So I do I have to live in your polluted world? I'm paying a lot of money in taxes, too, and I want my environment protected.

Robert: Can I tell you something about your environment?

Annabelle: What?

Robert: I was a soccer coach, and do you want me to take the team in three different cars? Then you'll have triple pollution.

Annabelle: Well, if the cars have lower emissions --
thank you.

Bill: People who have gluttonous families and gluttonous appetites need big cars, I agree.

[ Scattered applause ]

Erin: Are you ever in a gluttonous stretch limo, cruisin' around L.A.? Or do you drive your little Toyota everywhere you go?

Bill: I do.

Erin: Uh-huh.
You've never been in a limo?

Bill: I have been in a limo, but I learned and changed and adapted.
That's how we survive.
The dinosaurs didn't do that and that's why we use their oil today in the car.

[ Laughter ]

Robert: What do I do with my airplane, Bill, have an electric airplane? That's called a glider.

[ Laughter ]

Let's all glide to L.A., folks, to see Bill Maher.

[ Talking over each other ]

Kevin: --
Riding in a limousine, at least when he's running around town going to the grocery store he's saving --

Erin: When I am driving around town going to the grocery store, I drive my little car.
Not a hybrid but it's a little car.

Bill: Let's talk about nuclear power, because they want to store it in --
and I agree with this --
in Yucca Mountain.
Basically, here's the situation.
There's 131 sites that have nuclear radioactive rotting waste, and this stuff is bad.
You wouldn't want to take a bath in it.
And usually it's like --
where are these 131 sites? It's usually out back of the nuclear plant, you know, they throw it in the dumpster.
So instead, the government wants to take it all and put it in Yucca mountain.
It's in the middle of nowhere in Nevada.
It's 1,000 feet below the top of the mountain, and 1,000 feet above where the ground water would be.
I think this is a good idea.
I'd rather take all --

Annabelle: I'm gonna give you a good reason why you don't want that to happen.

Bill: Go ahead.

Annabelle: Me, I'm a terrible driver.
I'm in the car, I'm on the cell phone, I'm reading a script, I'm doing my makeup, I'm feeding my kid.
You don't want those trucks transporting nuclear waste when I'm on the road.

[ Laughter ]

And I drive around a lot.
Okay, no, what you're doing is you're exponentially increasing the amount of accidents that can happen.

Bill: You're doing what she's doing and he's doing, you're scaring people with something that isn't real.

Annabelle: Oh, no, it is real.

[ Everyone talking ]

Robert: Where do you drive when you read the script and you --

Annabelle: I'm driving in your neighborhood, baby, so watch out.

Robert: Well, if you are, honey, we'll talk.

[ Light laughter ]

[ Talking over each other ]

Robert: You never know who you're sitting with.

Kevin: You don't think there's any risk transporting nuclear waste on the road?

Bill: I do think there's a risk.
I think there's a risk to living, but we're talking about the best solution.
Do you think there's less of a risk keeping it in 131 sites around the country above ground?

Kevin: It's above ground where they can keep an eye on it.
If they put it below ground, it's out of sight, out of mind, what if we have an earthquake?
[ Talking over each other ]

Kevin: We have a great tradition in history of burying stuff in the ground.
We're doing such a good job.
We don't have any leaking going on.

[ Everyone talking ]

Bill: The federal government is like, "What the hell's that nuclear waste?!"
[ Scattered applause ]

Annabelle: Wait a minute.
I have a better solution, okay? I have a better site for them.
Okay, why put it in Yucca Mountain --

Erin: A mountain --

Annabelle: No, no, wait.
There's all this --

Bill: It's called Yucca.

Annabelle: Okay, wait, the terrorists --
we're telling the whole world, "This is where it's gonna be," right? Let's put it in the most secure location in the country --
the White House.
Isn't that our most secure location? How about that secure location where they had Dick Cheney hiding? Where is that? We don't know.
Let's put it there.

[ Laughter ]

Bill: Yucca mountain.
All right, we gotta take another commercial.
We'll be back.

[ Applause ]

Bill: All right.
Enough about this environment and the Earth.
Let's talk about what's important --
Robert Blake.
I mean, please.

Annabelle: There are so many important things happening, but we have to talk about Robert Blake? And we're gonna say, "Oh, media circus."

Kevin: Let's talk about Robert Blake.

Annabelle: We're gonna have to learn what they ate for dinner.
And the worst part is, I'm obsessed.

Erin: This is a reflection of the moral depravity of Americans.
It really is.

Bill: Oh.

Erin: Their obsession with this.

Bill: Yeah?

Erin: It's true.

Annabelle: And you're not reading about it? I mean --

Erin: No, I don't even know who the hell Robert Blake is.
I could give [ bleep ] or less --

Robert: I do.
I know him very well, as a matter of fact.
I know him.

Bill: I'm sure you --

Erin: People get shot every day.
And the media circus --

Bill: Yeah, but what's interesting about this one is that, yes, he's a celebrity.

[ Laughter ]

But he thought he could get away with it, allegedly, you know, he allegedly committed this crime.

Erin: Well, O.J. got away with it.

Bill: Because I think that he was convinced that he was a great actor.
Because he thought, "Well, I'll go out to dinner with her." Remember, he had a happy dinner? He finally had a happy dinner.
And then he comes back to the restaurant and, "I left my gun.
Where is it? Oh, it's wrapped up in that tin foil swan.
Thank you very much." And then he throws the gun in a dumpster.
It's like he planned everything out to the tee because he can cover it all up with his acting, and then the gun --
I'll worry about that little detail later.

Robert: Hey, wait a minute.
Let's not convict him on a talk show.

Bill: No, allegedly.

Annabelle: No, but obviously, he made some mistakes, right? He asked like four people to kill her.

Robert: No, allegedly, we don't know what he did or didn't do.

Bill: Oh, come on.

Robert: No.
If Robert is guilty, he'll be punished for it.
What we can't do is sit around here and talk about what we don't know.

Bill: Exactly.
That's the job of Fox News.

[ Applause ]

Annabelle: And I'm sure everyone in the media is going to say, "We're not gonna talk about it now."

Robert: No, this is a murder trial.
This is not the environment.
This is about a man who allegedly killed his wife --

Erin: God, with what I know of her, can you blame him if he did?

Annabelle: Wait.
Could you blame her? Why?

Erin: Oh, my God.

Annabelle: 'Cause she deserved it?

Erin: I'm not saying that.
Lighten up.

[ Talking over each other ]

Robert: Wrong forum to talk about a trial that's ongoing.
Wrong forum.

Bill: Wait a second.
It's not the wrong forum.

Robert: It is the wrong forum.

Bill: It took 11 months, 11 months for them to gather evidence.

[ Applause ]

Annabelle: Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Erin: Lighten up.

Annabelle: No, no.
You said, "She wasn't a good person." Wait a minute 'cause I've done a lot of crappy things.
Am I going to be hit in minute?

Bill: I'm just saying, after the O.J. thing, if they weren't pretty sure, they at least had a case.
I don't think they would have been making that pronouncement the other day.
I have to take another commercial.

[ Applause ]

Bill: All right.
I challenge both of you to a race.
Your whatever you're driving and my gay car.

[ Laughter ]

Any time, anywhere!
[ Applause ]