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California gal
SS senior field agent

USA
8302 Posts

Posted - 08/14/2013 :  08:28:45  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
T H E W I L D W I L D W E S T


“The Night of Miguelito’s Revenge”



by
Jerry Thomas












Second Draft
August 22, 1968



THE WILD WILD WEST

“The Night of Miguelito’s Revenge”


PRODUCER
BRUCE LANSBURY

ASSOCIATE PRODUCER
LEONARD KATZMAN

STORY CONSULTANT
HENRY SHARP

WRITTEN BY
JERRY THOMAS

SETS:

EXT. WESTERN TOWN
INT. BRISCOE HOTEL
INT. FUNHOUSE
INT. WEST’S VARNISH
INT. HAYMARKET THEATER
EXT. CIRCUS AREA
INT. LOVELESS’ PRIVATE MENAGERIE
INT. GENERAL STORE
EXT. BLACKSMITH SHOP
INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE
INT. SALOON
INT. CORRIDOR
INT. DRESSING ROOM
INT. CYRUS BARLOW STUDY
EXT. SHOESHINE STAND
INT. THEATER GRID
INT. EMPORIUM (BARBER SHOP)
EXT. EMPORIUM (BARBER SHOP)

CAST:

JAMES WEST – ROBERT CONRAD
ARTEMUS GORDON – ROSS MARTIN
DR. MIGUELITO LOVELESS
LINGLE (DESK CLERK)
JUSTICE FAIRLIE
DELILAH
ARDEN MASTERSON
LYNN CARSTAIRS
BARBER – FEMALE
IVA KALINKOVICH
BIFF TROUT
ANTON DWORSHAK
THEATER MANAGER
TICKET SELLER
SHERIFF HALEY
DEPUTY GAYLORD
TINY
MRS. DWORSHAK
PYLO – (GUNSEL)
CYRUS BARLOW
SERVANT
JURY
STOREKEEPER

The Night of Miguelito’s Revenge


FADE IN:

1. EXT. WESTERN TOWN – DAY

WEST, travel stained, dusty and with a stubble on his chin, comes riding into view, looking around from side to side, until he obviously sees what he’s looking for; he spurs his horse forward as CAMERA ANGLES to sow:

2. ANOTHER ANGLE – BRISCOE HOTEL – DAY

… a typical, sun-baked, clapboarded, western hotel. West secures his mount at the hitching post, enters the doorway of the hotel…

3. INT. BRISCOE HOTEL – DAY

… and looks around the small lobby, occupied only by a DOZING OLDSTER, a newspaper covering his face as he sprawls out in a lobby chair; West approaches…

4. ANOTHER ANGLE – THE COUNTER

… the counter with no desk clerk in sight; West looks around, raises a hand to bring it down on the counter bell--

--when the DESK CLERK, an EBULLIENT BALDHEADED LITTLE MAN (LINGLE), pops up into view from behind the desk, vigorously attacking dust with his turkey feather duster, until he becomes aware of West’s presence--which is the signal for him to break out into a toothy smile, flip open the guest register and swing it around to West.

DESK CLERK

Yes, sir, you’re sure ‘nough in luck, Mister--

(flicks dust from West’s shoulders with his duster as he rattles it off)

Still a coupl’a choice rooms available; finest corn cob mattresses there is goin’, runnin’ water within walkin’ distance, and…

WEST
I’ll settle for a message.

DESK CLERK
(warily)
Message; like from who, for instance?

WEST
Like from Artemus Gordon.

DESK CLERK
You bein’?

WEST
James West.

The desk clerk reaches out a hand to the letter rack and hands West an envelope with a flourish--unmarked, we see; West teats the flap open, unfolds a sheet of printed matter and scans it with a puzzled expression:

WEST (CONT'D)
“Samson and Delilah Tonsorial Emporium, the world’s finest, west of the Pecos--”
(looking up)
A barber shop advertisement?

DESK CLERK
(admiringly)
You sure read speedy, Mister--
(scanning the ad laboriously)
Yep, that’s what she is alright.

WEST
How do I get there?

DESK CLERK
Turn right as you leave the Briscoe, right again at Sentry Street, and catty-corner from Maw Olcott’s Busy Bee Diner is where you’ll find ‘er.

West nods his thanks, pockets the advertisement and exits; and suddenly the desk clerk is no longer a harmless ebullient little man; there’s a coldly purposeful way look on his face as he taps the counter bell--

--with a matching coldly purposeful look on the face of the dozing Oldster as he flicks the paper from his face and comes up to the desk, now revealing himself as PYLO, a TOUGH-LOOKING GUNSEL; the desk clerk gestures peremptorily--Pylo nods and slips out, running off in the opposite direction West has taken.

5. BACK TO DESK CLERK

And now, alone, the desk clerk flips the guest register shut, picks up a hand mirror from behind the desk and watches the reflection of himself flicking dust from his shining bald spot.

6. EXT. WESTERN STREET – AT CORNER – DAY

West rides into view, looking around…

7. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT BARBER SHOP

… and comes up to the SAMSON AND DELILAH TONSORIAL EMPORIUM, appropriately marked by a barber pole out front; West dismounts, hitches his horse, enters;

8. INT. SAMSON AND DELILAH TONSORIAL EMPORIUM – DAY

… and finds himself in a two-seater barber shop--one of the two seats being occupied by an extremely tall man whose long, lanky figure is almost totally covered by the barber’s sheet; his face hidden by a hot towel spread upon it, leaving only his legs and his barge-like brogans protruding beyond the sheet…

… and an EXTREMELY PRETTY YOUNG LADY (her name is DELILAH) expertly engaged in stropping a straight razor at the side of the sheet-covered figure; West reacts with raised eyebrows at the young lady, momentarily taken off guard, and:

DELILAH
(faintly annoyed, as if this happens continually)
Yeah, it’s a honest-t’-goodness lady barber.

WEST
Of course, so was the other Delilah--
(a beat)
I’m looking for a friend--Mr. Gordon--
(Delilah looks puzzled)
I think I’m supposed to meet him here.

DELILAH
(to her customer)
You rec’nize anyone by that name, Mr. Claymore?

The sheeted figure shakes his head; Delilah looks back at West, shrugging her shoulders, then motions to the unoccupied chair.

DELILAH (CONT'D)
Set down and wait for him, if you’re a mind to; and while you’re waitin’ I’ c’n fix you up with a first rate haircut.

West considers the idea, then glances off…

9. HIS POV – THE CLOCK ON THE WALL

reading ten minutes to twelve

10. BACK TO SCENE

West turns back to Delilah, running a hand over his chin as he seats himself in the barber chair:

WEST
Considering what happened to Samson, better make that a first class shave.

Delilah nods, not the least bit amused, loosens West’s shirt front as he leans back, then wringing out a towel simmering in a pan of water on the stove nearby, she deposits it on West’s face…

… then turns and lifts the (dry) towel from the face of her other customer…

11. CLOSE SHOT – CUSTOMER

who we now see is DR. MIGUELITO LOVELESS: Dr. Loveless, grinning delightedly, flicks off his sheet, disclosing that a pair of phony legs and feet fixed to the lower part of the barber chair are responsible for the illusion of an extremely tall man…

12. ANOTHER ANGLE

… after which Loveless extracts a small bottle from his pocket, removes a ground-glass stopper with exaggerated care, keeping his head out of range of the thick, yellowish vapor curling out of the opened bottle…

--and now Dr. Loveless passes the opened bottle over West’s towel-covered face, with the yellow vapor settling onto the towel;

13. CLOSE SHOT – WEST’S HANDS

on the hand rests of the barber chair; we see them lift up and start groping helplessly in the air--

--then go limp, suddenly, and fall, dangling inertly; a beat, then Dr. Loveless lifts the towel from West’s face, staring almost lovingly at the view of West, eyes closed, unconscious--

--and as am ominous obbligato, we become aware that Delilah is one more busily stropping her straight razor.

DR. LOVELESS
Delilah, my pearl, let’s not overdo it--
(extending a hand)
--for my purposes, that razor is more than sharp enough.

Razor in hand, now, Dr. Loveless gloats down at the helpless, unconscious West, as we

FADE OUT

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

14. CLOSE SHOT – A CLOWN POSTER

HOLD long enough to be startled when something plummets through the poster, tearing it to jagged shreds (and revealing that it was pasted up over the inclined shaft emerging from the wall) and sprawls inertly on the floor--and now we can see that the mass is West, still unconscious--clean-shaven now--then, as CAMERA PULLS BACK we see that we are in…

15. INT. FUNHOUSE – DAY

… a nightmare alley of a long room, the walls of which are covered with grotesque cutout heads rocking from side to side--some MOANING, SOME GIGGLING AND LAUGHING INSANELY, SOME HOOTING AND WAILING, while interspersed throughout the big room we see the monstrously elaborate equipment usually found in funhouses--massive blocks, piled one on top of the other, apparently precariously balanced, threatening to collapse at any moment, an awesome pendulum arcing overhead, etc….

16. ANOTHER ANGLE – ON WEST

as he comes to, stirring, opening his eyes, staring around bewilderedly, then getting to his feet, ready for anything--suddenly whirling around alertly, as…

17. AT MONSTER HEAD

… out of the huge gullet of a cutout monster head, there is a puff of smoke, then the next moment the FIGURE OF A MAN looms into VIEW through the smoke and stumbles blindly toward West, swaying dazedly--

--and now we have the leisure to see that he is DISTINGUISHED-LOOKING, MATURE and wears a hunted, terror-numbed expression; he is JUSTICE ALONZO FAIRLIE. West reacts at the sight of the man…

WEST
Judge Fairlie!

FAIRLIE
Please! In the name of Heaven, help me!

West supports the Judge, obviously on the ragged edge of collapsing, then his sixth sense impels him to swing around again…

18. ANOTHER ANGLE

… just in time to see one of the grotesque rocking heads stop--tilt completely away from the wall, disclosing a wide, ominous looking muzzle protruding, aimed directly at himself and the Judge--

--and in one fluid motion West hurls the Justice and himself out of the way, just escaping the wooden ball that explodes from the muzzle, as if by a charge of compressed air--

--then the nozzle turns, seeking West and the Judge out, and again West yanks the Judge out of the way just before another wooden balls cannons toward them, caroming off the walls behind…

… then West leaps in, past the cannon’s muzzle, right next to the aperture from which the muzzle is protruding--

--and with a desperate urgency, West snatches at his inside coat pocket and comes up with a gleaming metal sphere (about the size of a ping pong ball), pulls a length of chain attached to the sphere, after which he tosses the sphere into the muzzle’s opening, ducking away smartly as he does so…

19. OMIT

20. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT FIRE NOZZLE APERTURE

… to escape the blast of the explosion that erupts from the aperture; the smoke clears to show the muzzle hanging crazily, obviously out of commission.

21. ANOTHER ANGLE – TO INCLUDE JUDGE

West goes to Justice Fairlie, assists him into a chair against the wall, when he becomes aware that something ominous and unusual is happening--all the sounds of the funhouse are dying away; the LAUGHTER, GIGGLES, HOOTING, AND WAILING--all are gone, leaving a BROODING SILENCE in their place;

22. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT WEST’S RIGHT

West turns to find that the same gunsel (Pylo) seen in the lobby of the Briscoe Hotel is entering the room from a hinged distorting mirror he swings open…

23. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT WEST’S LEFT

… while from the opposite side of the room, a door opens--a section of the wall pivots around--a rope lowers--admitting THREE MORE GUNSELS INTO THE SCENE--

--and now West finds himself the center towards which four menacing gunsels advance--one on one side, three more on the other side.

WEST
(smilingly looking over gunsels)
You find the darnedest-looking things in these funhouses…

… and then it happens; West exploded into action, whirls around, decking the gunsel (Pylo) on his right with a furiously effective one-two…

… then leaps high into the air to grab the pendulum as it swings back toward the other three gunsels.

24. ANOTHER ANGLE – GUNSELS POV

as West releases the pendulum that has carried him toward the gunsels and hurtles through the air toward them for the remaining distance, sending all three sprawling; one remains sprawling--

25. FIGHT

--Pylo and the other two remaining gunsels bounce to their feet and the fight is on--with West, as usual, employing props and topography with creative finesse--

--and the end result being four gunsels, sprawled motionlessly on the ground and draped over funhouse furniture, all out of commission…

26. ANGLE ON JUDGE FAIRLIE

seated in the chair against the wall--dazedly watching the proceedings--and sudden a section of the floor and wall--the Judge and his chair included--whirls around a hidden pivot and disappears into the wall--

27. BACK TO SCENE

The faintest of SOUNDS has alerted West--he whirls around, just in time to see the Judge disappear--and just as he takes a step toward where the Judge vanished…

28. ANOTHER ANGLE

… a wicked-looking halberd, hinged high above, *****es through the air, forcing West to leap backwards to escape its deadly contact--

29. ANOTHER ANGLE

--then another halberd, *****ing down from a different quarter, forces West back to the side--

30. ANOTHER ANGLE

--and again, another halberd’s deadly arc forces West to hastily retreat backwards; he doesn’t have time to realize it, but he is being maneuvered into a particular spot, as we will see; he goes into a half crouch as a panel on the nearest wall pivots around, disclosing a lettered legend…

31. LEGEND ON PANEL

it reads, “THURSDAY’S CHILD HAS FAR TO GO.”

32. BACK TO SCENE

Then a trapdoor under West’s feet flips open, and he disappears into a void below;

… a beat, then we become aware of CHUCKLING that GROWS, finally becoming WILD, UNRESTRAINED LAUGHTER; CAMERA MOVES UP…

33. ANOTHER ANGLE

… and comes to LIGHT on a suit of armor, from which the LAUGHTER is obviously ISSUING--the visor of the helmet pivots up to disclose Dr. Loveless, helpless in the grip of his DELIGHTED LAUGHTER, as we

FLIP TO:

34. CLOSE SHOT – WEST

eyes closed; unconscious, but starting to emerge into wakefulness, as we see from the tentative, fluttering movements of his eyes--then they open--and West looks around incredulously, as CAMERA PULLS BACK to show…

35. INT. SAMSON AND DELILAH TONSORIAL EMPORIUM – DAY

… that West is sprawled out in the barber chair, just as he was when Delilah covered his face with a hot towel…

36, ANOTHER ANGLE

… but it isn’t Delilah who is bending over West, whisking talcum on his face--it’s a LEATHERY, HORSE-FACED FEMALE who peers down at West, as:

FEMALE
Mister, when you settle down to a little shut-eye, you don’t mess around, do you?

West stares dazedly up at the unprepossessing female, then he glances off and his eyes take in the clock on the wall;

36A. CLOSE SHOT – THE CLOCK

now reads one o’clock.

37. BACK TO SCENE

West springs out of the chair in a fighting crouch--looks around at the otherwise uninhabited barber shop then turns to the female, staring in open-mouthed astonishment at West.

WEST
Whatever happened to Delilah?

FEMALE
(cackling)
Delilah? Why, that’s me, dearie!

West starts to say something, then stops, smiling wryly, as if in grudging acknowledgement that the other is playing so well, then:

WEST
Sure; now I recognize you.

He fishes a silver dollar out of his vest, tosses it to her, picks up his hat and coat and heads for the door.

FEMALE
You never mentioned it--share okay, dearie?

38. ANOTHER ANGLE – WEST AT THE DOOR

as he turns and throws a last wry look at the harridan.

WEST
I have a feeling it was a little -- close.

He EXITS.

39. EXT. SAMSON AND DELILAH TONSORIAL EMPORIUM – DAY

West emerges, unties his horse and flips into the saddle urging his horse along briskly.

40. EXT. WESTERN STREET – DAY

West barrels around a corner, then we see him CLATTER to a halt, resting his elbows on the pommel of his saddle as he stares off, nodding his head, as if his private conviction has just been confirmed, during which, CAMERA ANGLES…

41. ANOTHER ANGLE

… to show that West’s attention is being given to the entrance to the Briscoe Hotel--boarded up, decrepit, obviously long abandoned; HOLD, then

FLIP TO:

42. INT. WEST’S VARNISH – DAY

ON ARTEMUS, listening to the CLATTER of the TELEGRAPH KEY, then TAPPING OUT AN ACKNOWLEDGEMENT; he’s stowing away the key in the phony book set when he reacts to the SOUND OF THE DOOR OPENING--

42A. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT DOOR

as West enters, and Artemus comes into VIEW.

ARTEMUS
Been waiting for you, Jim! The news has been coming in hot and heavy over the wire…

WEST
It’s about Judge Fairlie’s being kidnapped, isn’t it?

Artemus reacts in astonishment.

ARTEMUS
How did you know?

WEST
Let’s just say I had a dream.

FLIP TO:

43. INT. WEST’S VARNISH – NIGHT

ARDEN MASTERSON, engagingly lovely as ever, is reading from what is obviously a dossier--

--with Artemus sprawled out on the couch nearby--and West pacing in the background like a caged timber wolf.

ARDEN
… after presiding over the tenth Circuit District for ten years, Judge Fairlie was appointed to the Appellate Court in January of last year, where he served…

WEST
(cutting in)
Let’s skip the rest, Arden; does the dossier indicate that Judge Fairlie was about to take a trip, by any chance?

ARDEN
(nonplussed for a beat, then:)
Yes, sir, as a matter of fact, it does--
(takes out another sheet from the folder, scans it, then:)
He had been chosen to represent United States at the forthcoming Jurisprudence Convention, at Edinburgh, in Scotland.

WEST
Good; then it adds up.

ARTEMUS
(puzzled)
As one arithmetic lover to another, you mind letting me check those figures you keep adding up?

WEST
Artie, a Federal Judge is kidnapped, and whoever is behind it sets up the most elaborate charade I’ve ever seen…

ARTEMUS
… just so that you can have first-hand evidence of it.

WEST
That’s the way it seems.
(a thoughtful beat)
A phony clerk, in a phony hotel, gives me a phony message to meet you at barber shop run by a phony barber…

ARTEMUS
By the fetching name of Delilah; delicious!

WEST
… after all of which, I meet the Judge in a carnival funhouse--and that was not phony!

ARTEMUS
(uncomfortably)
Jim, you know we checked that out--the nearest carnival was the Continental Circus--and that was headed for Fiddler Bend at the time--a good twenty miles from here…

WEST
I know; and in the one hour I was out I couldn’t have been transported there and back--
(smacking fist into palm)
--yet in some way it must have been done, Artie!

ARTEMUS
(shrugging)
Okay; but what’s this all about the Judge’s trip?

WEST
“Thursday’s Child has far to go--” Artie, when my host flashed that in front of my eyes he was talking about Fairlie!

ARTEMUS
(nodding thoughtfully)
Um-hm; Fairlie was kidnapped on Thursday--he was going to Edinburgh, so he certainly had far to go--
(another thoughtful beat)
--and I wonder who the others are?

WEST
What others?

ARTEMUS
Look, this whole operation is so wild that if Judge Fairlie is Thursday’s child, I have a sneaking feeling that there are other ‘children’ involved, too;
(reciting)
“Monday’s child is fair of face, Tuesday’s child is full of grace, Wednesday’s child is--
(a beat, staring into distance, then:)
Monday’s child! Could that be Lynn Carstairs?

West and Arden react bewilderedly.

ARDEN
The fairest actress of them all!
(whirling around to West)
Remember, Jim? She disappeared from the stage of the Haymarket last Monday…!

FLIP TO:

44. CLOSE SHOT – LYNN CARSTAIRS

OVER THE SOUND OF ENTHUSIASTIC APPLAUSE, we see that the young lady we’ve been looking at isn’t merely fair of face--she’s downright beautiful; then, as CAMERA PULLS BACK we see that we are in…

45. INT. HAYMARKET THEATER – NIGHT

… on stage and that Miss Carstairs is standing at the footlights, in front of an elaborate salon set, bowing again and again in response to the APPLAUSE from the unseen audience.

46. VIEW OF AUDIENCE – (STOCK) – NIGHT

smartly dressed, APPLAUDING ENTHUSIASTICALLY

47. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT WINGS

where we see a THEATER MANAGER TYPE looking on happily, the APPLAUSE obviously music to his ears, then gesturing off peremptorily--and a UNIFORMED YOUNG ATTENDANT hurries past the manage bearing a large bouquet.

48. BACK TO LYNN CARSTAIRS

still acknowledging her APPLAUSE as the attendant comes up and presents the bouquet to her--during which she looks up, reacting delightedly to…

49. ANOTHER ANGLE

… the sight of a flower-banked swan-shaped seat that is being lowered from the flies by several flower-entwined lines--and comes to rest right beside her; a beat, then with a “What-a-charming-surprise!” smile, Lynn steps into the swan/seat, and OVER THE STORM OF APPLAUSE is drawn up out of SIGHT.

50. ANOTHER ANGLE – IN WINGS

where we see the theater manager reacting incredulously--from his expression, it should be thoroughly evident that he’s as amazed as Miss Carstairs at the swan…

… then, as he stares off bewilderedly, we see his expression change to one of alarm, now…

51. BACK TO THE SHOT OF STATE

… because we see that the swan is being lowered back down to the stage floor again--but now Miss Lynn Carstairs is nowhere to be seen

MATCH OPTICAL DISSOLVE TO:

52. INT. SAME SCENE – SAME VIEW OF STAGE FROM ORCHESTRA – NIGHT

the empty swan seat is still in the same spot where we last saw it, but now it is illuminated only by a single spot--the flowers that once covered the seat and entwined the supporting lines are now withered, the floor area littered with shed petals…

… the stage and the elaborate salon set are darkened--

--and standing beside the swan seat are West and the now haggard theater manager, chewing an unlighted cigar savagely, as:

THEATER MANAGER
… it was easily the most sensational curtain Miss Carstairs ever made--only it was the last we ever seen of her!

WEST
The police…?

THEATER MANAGER
So far they ain’t located hide nor hair of the little lady--
(shakes his head mournfully)
You got any idea what her powder has done to the box office? A thing like this could ruin me!

WEST
(sharply)
It probably isn’t doing Miss Carstairs any good, either--wherever she is!

THEATER MANAGER
(hastily)
Look, all I mean is, here we thought we had our season’s biggest hit on our hands, and now…

He stops as West turns to Artemus, who comes up now, clapping dust from his hands and trousers. (During the following the theater manager moves disconsolately out of the scene.)

WEST
Well?

ARTEMUS
(grudgingly admiring)
He’s a first-class artist, Jim--whoever it is that’s behind this--
(pointing up at the flies)
I went over the same route the kidnappers took across the fly gallery--leading to the roof--from there to a kind of elevator they built to lower Miss Carstairs to the ground--
(fishing in his pocket)
--and look what else I found on the roof.

He comes up with a small brandy snifter that he passes to West.

WEST
(sniffing glass)
Brandy?

ARTEMUS
Very special brandy, my nose assures me--Cognac de Marnier, quite possibly.

WEST
(whistles thoughtfully)
Interesting picture--the head man elegantly sipping his snifter of brandy…

ARTEMUS
…while his underlings sweat out the big operation!

WEST
Your pattern’s emerging just fine, Artie; a series of ‘child’ disappearances--“Monday’s child is fair of face”--Lynn Carstairs.

ARTEMUS
“Tuesday’s Child is full of grace”--Ivan Kalinkovich, ballet master supreme--last Tuesday he was called away from his rehearsal in the middle of a ‘sur les pointes’--hasn’t been seen since…

WEST
“Wednesday’s child is full of woe…” You got any candidate for that spot, Artie?

ARTEMUS
(shrugging)
The only disappearance the records show for Wednesday is the Biff Trout incident;
(‘reading’ headline from memory)
“Famous Jockey Goes Up In Smoke!” Trailing the field at Narragansett, Biff goes into the backstretch, rides into a bank of smoke that mysteriously appears--and when the horse emerges, he’s riderless--no trace of Trout.
(thoughtfully)
As I recall, the winner was Golden Apple--and paid off at 15 to 1…

WEST
(grimly)
Not bad odds--but that incident doesn’t seem to tie up with the others, does it?

ARTEMUS
No, not really; what woe was there in Biff’s young life, when you get right down to it? He was a happy-go-lucky jockey, successful with the horses and ladies, a young man about…

He stops suddenly, swinging around excitedly to West, just as West swings excitedly around to him; two minds suddenly overtaken by the same idea;

WEST
Why didn’t I see it before? Not unhappiness woe…

ARTEMUS
(pantomiming pulling reins)
This kind of Whoa!

WEST
Okay, so that takes care of Wednesday--
(grimly again)
Judge Fairlie is Thursday’s child who has far to go, of course…

It’s the FAINTEST OF CREAKING SOUNDS that causes West to glanced up absentmindedly then:

WEST (CONT'D)
Heads up, Artie!

West dives out of the way, with Artemus doing the same in the opposite direction, in a dual lightning-like reflex action…

… and the next second a bulky mass hits the floor where they were both standing a moment before with a THUNDEROUS CRASH!

53. ANOTHER ANGLE

as West and Artemus both spring to their feet again, glance up warily at the flies where the projectile came from, then down at the floor;

54. ANOTHER ANGLE

… CAMERA ANGLES to show what was once a sandbag--the canvas skin now split by the impact, the sand it once contained spattered far and wide--and lettered on the now flattened mass of canvas is “FRIDAY’S CHILD…?”

55. SHOT – WEST AND ARTEMUS

staring down at the ominous message, transfixed, as we

FREEZE FRAME:

END OF ACT ONE

James: Thanks, Artie.
Artemus: "Thanks Artie"! Is that all you can say to me? I've just come back from the grave, risen like Lazarus, and that's what you say? "Thanks, Artie"?
James: Thanks, Artie.
Artemus: It's a pleasure.
- TNOT Pistoleros

California gal
SS senior field agent

USA
8302 Posts

Posted - 08/14/2013 :  08:30:38  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
ACT TWO

56. THEATER GRID – NIGHT

Amid a forest of ropes that forms the background, Artemus is seen examining one cut rope, his face up-lighted from the illumination on the stage below…

… as West climbs down a ladder and joins him. West shakes his head as Artemus looks up inquiringly.

WEST
Whoever it was had plenty of time to make a clean getaway.

ARTEMUS
(nodding)
Figures.
(holding up rope end)
Of course you realize that all this mumbo-jumbo was just designed to remind us of the next order of business--“Friday’s child, who is loving and giving… works hard for a living.”

WEST
(nodding grimly)
Whoever the poor devil turns out to be.

He hauls off and smacks his fist into one of the many sandbags hanging all around--then, as the heavy bag pendulums from side to side:

WEST (CONT'D)
We’re being fed one little clue after another--all of it leading us--where?

ARTEMUS
(cheerfully)
Find that out is where the real fun comes in.

WEST
All right, let’s play along.
(a beat)
Where was that Continental Circus heading for? Fiddler’s Bend, wasn’t it?
(at Artemus’ nod)
I’m going to check it out.

Artemus fishes the brandy snifter out of his pocket and surveys it speculatively.

ARTEMUS
Cognac de Marnier--somewhere, I feel sure, there is a gentleman who might be very interested in a newly discovered half-dozen bottles of Napoleon’s exquisite brew…

Artemus thoughtfully raises the empty brandy snifter to his lips--HOLD, then…

MATCH DISSOLVE TO:

57 THRU 59. OMIT

60. CLOSE SHOT – DR. LOVELESS

holding a similar brandy snifter--filled--to his lips.

DR. LOVELESS
One for me

He drains the glass, then, with a satisfied sigh:

DR. LOVELESS (CONT'D)
…and one for you, dear heart.

He raises a brandy bottle into view, fills the snifter to brimming again--

--and a snake-like appendage comes into view, fastens itself around the stem of the snifter, as CAMERA PULLS BACK…

61. FULLER ANGLE

… to show that the appendage is the trunk of a lady elephant swaying nearby; she delicately empties the glass down her gullet, as CAMERA PULLS BACK EVER FURTHER, to show…

62. EXT. CIRCUS AREA – DAY

… that we are in a circus inner-circle environment--and that Dr. Loveless, wearing a top hat, scarlet cape, and riding breeches of a ringmaster, is seated on the back of a magnificent saddled lion--

--with Delilah standing at his side, wearing her usual deadpan expression. Dr. Loveless CLUCKS to the lion, who starts padding along the tent-lined alley, followed by Delilah…

63. ANOTHER ANGLE

… and passing a variety of circus personnel seated around a series of campfires; CAMERA HOLDS ON a fire eater practicing his art, then PANS ON TO HOLD a tumbling act rehearsing, then PANS ON TO HOLD on a GIANT OF A STRONGMAN, lifting weights into the air; to all Dr. Loveless nods and waves cheerily.

64. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT TENT

There is obviously something very special about the tent that Dr. Loveless comes riding up to--

… a COUPLE OF ARMED SENTRIES guard the entrance; Dr. Loveless dismounts and enters the tent, followed by Delilah.

65. INT. DR. LOVELESS’ ‘PRIVATE MENAGERIE’ – DAY

CAMERA FOLLOWS Loveless and Delilah as they move toward the center of a half circle of small cages (see Fig. 37), then, as Dr. Loveless mounts a gaudily colored pedestal (Delilah moves to his side) in the center of the half circle, we see that four of the seven cages are occupied by a variety of people. Dr. Loveless turns to the first cage on his left…

66. ANOTHER ANGLE – ON LYNN CARSTAIRS

… in which we see Lynn Carstairs, still dressed as we last saw her, but with a despairing expression on her lovely face as she huddles on what we quickly realize is a ghastly burlesque of a stage--footlight scenery in the b.g., proscenium arch, etc.

LOVELESS
(a mocking bow)
The lovely, adored Miss Carstairs
(a mocking bow)
I trust you are well, Madam?

There is only an ANSWERING SOB from Lynn--Loveless accepts this as if it were a conventional “Quite well, thank you,” beams and turns…

67. ANOTHER ANGLE – ON IVAN KALINKOVICH

… to the next cage, occupied by a LITHE, GRACEFUL FIGURE in a black leotard (he is IVAN KALINKOVICH) whose equally despairing expression is reflected again and again by the series of mirrors that line the walls of his cage, complete with a practice bar running its length--an obvious duplication of a ballet rehearsal hall.

LOVELESS
(another mocking bow)
The incomparable Ivan Kalinkovich--are we interrupting a rehearsal?

IVAN
(hoarsely--gripping the bars)
Please! I cannot endure confinement! I must get out of here!

LOVELESS
Indeed! Bars shouldn’t stop a great artist like you, Maestro--dance your way out!

He turns to the next cage, as CAMERA ANGLES to show…

68. ANOTHER ANGLE – ON BIFF TROUT

… the DISHEVELED FIGURE OF A JOCKEY, also clutching the bars as he stares pleadingly at Dr. Loveless (he is BIFF TROUT, of course)--and the incongruous touch in Biff’s cge is the small, carousel-type horse that is set up in the middle, supported by a brass post attached to floor and ceiling.

LOVELESS
(opening taunting now)
Biff Trout; one part man, one part horse--with the special stink of stable and corruption about him…

BIFF
(nervously)
Aw, c’mon, Doc, as one jockey to another, what’d I ever do to get you down on me?

LOVELESS
(scathingly)
You exist, don’t you? For the time being, let that be reason enough!

He turns and CAMERA ANGLES…

69. ANOTHER ANGLE – ON JUDGE ALONZO FAIRLIE

… to the next cage occupied, we see, by Judge Fairlie--seated behind a travesty of a judge’s bench that practically fills the small cage--and Judge Fairlie, along among the group, is staring down at Loveless with an anger in which there is nothing of fear.

LOVELESS
And our latest, and most distinguished guest, that pillar of the Federal bench, Justice Alonzo Fairlie;
(bowing)
I give you welcome, sir.

He straightens up to find Fairlie slowly shaking his head as he stares down at his tormentor.

FAIRLIE
You’re mad, of course.

Loveless reacts delightedly as he turns to Delilah:

LOVELESS
Observe the classical magistrate’s mind at work Delilah--the good judge does not understand me--ergo, I am mad!
(turns to Fairlie)
Sir, let me introduce myself--I am Dr. Miguelito Loveless; I plead guilty to being dictatorial, vain, short-tempered, occasionally unreasonable…

He picks up Delilah’s hand and touches his lips to it, as:

LOVELESS (CONT'D)
… and always a helpless, humble admirer of all that is fine and rare in nature and art--
(a flash of anger now)
--but mad? No, sir, I wouldn’t tolerate that for one moment!

LYNN
What--what are you going to do with us?

Loveless swings around, with CAMERA FOLLOWING, to Miss Carstairs, extending her lovely arms pleadingly through the bars.

LOVELESS
Ah, for the answer to that, you will have to wait until our other guests arrive;
(picks up bottle and glass)
Let’s drink to that happy moment…

He stops, as he starts pouring into his glass and sees that there is barely enough to make one drink, then calls out:

LOVELESS (CONT'D)
Pylo!

The hulking figure of Pylo comes into view as he goes to Loveless and waits. Loveless holds out the bottle:

LOVELESS (CONT'D)
Pylo, here is that most tragic of all sights--an empty bottle of Cognac de Marnier.

PYLO
Yeah--and there ain’t no more neither; that was the last one.

LOVELESS
Then get more, Pylo--
(as Pylo starts to protest)
--and don’t ask me where--just get it!

PYLO
(hastily)
Sure thing, Doctor, sure!

He exits hurriedly; Loveless turns back to the caged inmates, lifts his glass dreamily:

LOVELESS
As I was saying, dear friends, I drink to the moment when all my guests have arrived;
(he drinks, then:)
Until then, if there’s anything you need to make your stay more comfortable--
(a beat)
--don’t hesitate to scream.

On his OUTBREAK OF GIGGLES,

CAMERA WHIRLS TO

70. CLOSE SHOT – SIGN

reading “FIDDLER’S BEND”; HOLD ON IT swaying in the wind, then ENLARGE the VIEW to show…

71. EXT. MAIN STREET – DAY

… that West is stepping from the sidewalk and moving across the typically dry-as-dust western street; we see him glance off, then move very quickly…

72. ANOTHER ANGLE

… to avoid being run down by the closed carriage bearing down on him--

73 THRU 93. OMIT

94. ANOTHER ANGLE – ON CARRIAGE

It CLATTERS by so briskly that we don’t have a chance to see who is the driver--but we do see that it bears a pair of most unusual, ornate lamps mounted on each side of the carriage--

95. CLOSER SHOT – CARRIAGE WINDOW

--and that a hand with long, tapering fingers is drawing back the curtains of the rear window, as if the unseen inmate is looking back at West--

96. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT SIDEWALK

West throws an annoyed glance after the carriage, then obviously dismisses it from his mind as…

96A. ANOTHER ANGLE – ON SIDEWALK

… AS HE WALKS BRISKLY toward the small storefront with the lettering “SHERIFF”--and now, as he comes up to the store, his jaw tightens in real annoyance;

96B. CLOSE SHOT – SIGN IN WINDOW

painstakingly lettered out: “Out on a chore--back in an hour, hour and a half--Sheriff Haley.”…

97. CLOSE SHOT – BLACKSMITH

We’re looking at a man who works hard for a living; his face and bare shoulders glistening with sweat, one massive arm rhythmically bringing a heavy sledge crashing down again and again, as CAMERA PULLS BACK to show…

98. EXT. BLACKSMITH SHOP – DAY

… that the place is littered with old wagon wheels, rusty ploughshares and the usual bric-a-brac of a busy blacksmith’s shop; and centered between the huge anvil and the flaming forge, we see the BLACKSMITH (his name is ANTON DWORSHAK) battering away at a piece of wrought iron that he holds with a pair of blacksmith’s tongs; his shop is half out in the open air and half in the shadowed, barn-like area that the forge flows into.

99. ANOTHER ANGLE

to show a closed carriage drawing to a stop in the blacksmith’s courtyard--and we immediately become aware of two things; one, that a very pretty young lady is the drive--Delilah, no less--

--and that the carriage has a pair of very distinctive lamps mounted on its sides--it’s the same carriage seen earlier; and into this scene comes the blacksmith, wiping his sweaty hands on his leather apron.

DELILAH
A terrible thing has happened--this seat feels like it’s working loose!

ANTON:
(shaking his head)
prob’ly a bolt or two sheared off; could be real dangerous--better let me see.

He extends a hand, helps Delilah alight, then climbs ponderously up in her place.

100. ANOTHER ANGLE

as the blacksmith shifts his weight from side to side on the driver’s seat, frowning all the while.

ANTON
Funny--it don’t seem the least bit loose t’me;

He starts to strain against the seat again, then his attention is drawn to the ornate handle mounted on the right side of the wagon.

ANTON (CONT'D)
What does this here handle do, Miss?

DELILAH
Why, I don't know--I was hoping you could tell me.

The blacksmith wraps a ham-like hand around the handle and draws it toward him--

--and stares dumbfoundedly as a pair of claspers, one on each side, slams against his waist, knocking the wind out of him and effectively pinning him in his place…

… then, with a HUMMING OF GEARS, the entire seat--with the blacksmith secured in place--revolves around central pivots, carrying its burden into oblivion--

--and when it revolves back again, the blacksmith is nowhere to be seen.

There is a BURST OF GAY, CAREFREE LAUGHTER, and out of the yawning opening in the carriage, Dr. Loveless emerges and seats himself on the driver’s seat, along with Delilah, who has also climbed back up.

DR. LOVELESS
So that’s what happens when you press that handle!

HOLD on Loveless, rocking with laughter, then

FLIP TO

101. INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – NIGHT

SHERIFF Haley is lolling in his swivel chair, feet up on his desk, while his DEPUTY, GAYLOR, a HUSKY NEGRO sits on another chair, whittling a stick

--both openly enjoying the puzzled, troubled expression that we see on West’s face as he paces from one end of the office to the other, riffling through wanted posters with unseeing eyes, etc.

SHERIFF
Mr. West, I’m bound to say that I feel real bad about all this--alongside o’keepin’ you waiting a couple of hours, I gotta tell you y’came here on a wild goose chase.
(to Deputy)
Ain’t that right, Gay?

DEPUTY
That’s the how of it, all right; there just ain’t no one missin’ in Fiddler’s Bend.

WEST
You’re sure about that?

SHERIFF
Mr. West, there ain’t that many folks in this big, thrivin’ metropolis of ours that one could disappear without it being a six-day wonder!

WEST
(muttering to himself)
It doesn’t figure--it just doesn’t figure…

DEPUTY
(a wink at the sheriff)
Mebbe I should mention that one night last week I was roused up by this big how-de-do in the henhouse, an’ when I come runnin’ I found one of my prize pullet missin’…

West smiles dutifully, but his heart really isn’t in it--then:

WEST
All right, let’s drop the subject. What about the carnival that’s headed for Fiddler’s Bend? What time does it arrive?

SHERIFF
Should be pullin’ in any minute now--out at the old camp meetin’ grounds.

West nods, waves to the Sheriff and his deputy, both grinning, then heads for the door…

102. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT DOOR

… and almost collides with the ANGRY-LOOKING MATRON who comes bustling in at the same time; West steps aside, allows the woman to enter and starts to exit again when he HEARS:

MRS. DWORSHAK
All right, Sheriff, what’d you go and lock up my Anton for this time?

SHERIFF
Why, Mrs. Dworshak, the Sheriff’s department and your husband happens t’be on the best of terms, as of right now.

MRS. DWORSHAK
Then where is he? He’s been missing since before noon--didn’t even come home for dinner!

103. ANOTHER ANGLE

as West steps back into the office, quietly watching the scene unfold.

SHERIFF
(whistling thoughtfully)
Miss his dinner, hey? That sure don’t sound like old Anton…
(to Deputy)
Gaylord, why’nt you perambulate around, see may if Anton stopped in anywhere to relieve a sudden burnin’ thirst that might’a developed.

Gaylord nods, picks up his hat and exits; Mrs. Dworshak glares at the Sheriff, then turns to go, also, when:

WEST
Excuse me, ma’am, what business is your husband in?

MRS. DWORSHAK
(snapping)
Not that it’s any of your business, but he’s a blacksmith.

She exits, leaving West with a soberly triumphant look on his face.

WEST
(thinking out loud)
“Friday’s child works hard for a living…”
(to Sheriff)
Better enter Mr. Dworshak in the missing persons file, Sheriff.

CAMERA HOLDS on the Sheriff’s suddenly uncertain expression as West exits.

103A. INT. GENERAL STORE – NIGHT

A dapper, exquisitely dressed French salesman (underneath the waxed moustache and the curly locks, none other than Artemus, we will see) is taking a bottle out of his commodious sample case and displaying it before the bewildered eyes of the APRON-CLAD STOREKEEPER behind the counter--and who continues to stare bewilderedly as Artemus speaks:

ARTEMUS
Then perhaps you would care to purchase our aperitif? Most refreshing--your clientele will be enchanted!

STOREKEEPER
I’m inclined to doubt that, Mister…

Artemus replaces the bottle and comes up with another.

ARTEMUS
An absinthe liqueur, then, or a Pernod, or…

STOREKEEPER
Hold on, Mister--you’re a furriner, ain’t you?

Artemus draws himself up into a dignified ramrod:

ARTEMUS
Non, Monsieur, I am a Frenchman!
(handing the other a card)
Gilbert Rochemont D’Estivay, dealer to the trade in wines, aperitifs, cordials, and cognacs;

STOREKEEPER
Yeah, sure--point I’m gettin’ at, my customers wouldn’t know a pair o’teefs or any o’ them other fancy drinks if it come right up and bit ‘em on the leg!

Artemus sighs, defeated, replaces the bottle--and lovingly extracts another bottle that he gazes at as if it were the Koh-i-noor;

ARTEMUS
I may assume, then, that you are not interested in Cognac de Marnier…?

VOICE
He ain’--but I sure am.

We are close enough to Artemus to see the guarded look of triumph in his eyes--

103B. ANOTHER ANGLE

--before he turns around, the Frenchman once more, and stares inquiringly at Pylo, who has entered the store and is moving toward them.

PYLO
I been trailing you over half the panhandle, ever since I heard you had that cognac; how much?

ARTEMUS
(delicately)
Monsieur, you may not be aware, but de Marnier is--‘ow to say it--prohibitively expens….

PYLO
I said, how much!?

ARTEMUS
In American money--
(a beat)
One hundred and twenty-four dollars, so you see…

Pylo tosses a wad of bills to the counter and holds out his hand:

PYLO
Hand it over.

Artemus has whipped out a pencil and a pad; as he writes:

ARTEMUS
Pardon, Monsieur, the bottle is my sole sample, so I cannot part with it; if you will please to tell me where to deliver your bottle of…

The way the storekeeper suddenly ducks down behind his counter causes Artemus to look up--into the muzzle of the six-shooter being aimed at him by Pylo.

PYLO
(through his teeth)
Hand it over, Frenchy, or I’ll blow your brains out!

ARTEMUS
(picking up bottle)
If you do, I will drop the bottle--and we will both lose…

The way the fear leaps into Pylo’s eyes is all Artemus has to see to know he has the whip hand.

PYLO
No! Don’t do that!

Artemus still holds the bottle by two fingers of his left hand--as if ready to drop it at the bat of an eye--while with the other hand he prepares to write up the order.

ARTEMUS
So where shall I deliver your merchandise, Monsieur--and please be quick, I am--‘ow you say it--butterfingers…

PYLO
(hurriedly)
Deliver it to the Wells-Fargo office in Denver--but it’s got to be there by tomorrow, y’hear?

ARTEMUS
Certainement, Monsieur, as you say.

Pylo shuffles uncertainly, then holsters his gun and exits…

103C. ANOTHER ANGLE

…as the storekeeper slowly rises into sight again, to find Artemus lost in thought as he stares after the departed Pylo.

ARTEMUS
Denver--tomorrow--Saturday--Saturday’s child is loving and--
(suddenly excited)
Cyrus Barlow! Of course !

The storekeeper’s eyes bug out as he watches Artemus exultingly wrench off the cap of the bottle of Cognac de Marnier, extract a couple of snifters from his bag and pour a couple of stiff jolts--one of which Artemus hands to the storekeeper, the other of which he sips happily…

104. EXT. FIDDLER’S BEND STREET – NIGHT

West is walking--lost in thought--along the abandoned sidewalk--

105. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT SALOON

--then, as he comes into the lighted area of the saloon, a BURST OF LAUGHTER is HEARD ISSUING from within; West passes on, just as we HEAR COMING FROM WITHIN SALOON:

LOVELESS’ VOICE
… and there was I, with my piccolo!

There’s a GUFFAW OF LAUGHTER as West listens incredulously--it’s the voice of Dr. Loveless, without question; West moves swiftly into the saloon.

106. INT. THE SALOON – WEST – DAY

entering, pausing at the door and looking off. Laughter fills the background.

107. HIS POV

On a small stage a ventriloquist act is in progress--with a tiny form, not too unlike Dr. Loveless, perched on the lap of a staggeringly large man (he is called TINY).

DUMMY
Now can I tell my story of the two fleas?

108. ANGLE ON WEST

staring fascinatedly at the eerie likeness of the dummy to the original he knows so well, during which:

TINY
Absolutely not!

DUMMY
Very well, since you press me--it seems these two fleas came out of the theater one night--and one turned to the other and said--“Shall we walk, or take the dog?”

109. ANGLE ON WEST

Over the GOOD-NATURED LAUGHTER of the crowd, West starts to press closer to the stage, working his way pas the fascinated viewers, during which:

DUMMY’S VOICE
I must tell you about my friend West…

110. CLOSE SHOT – WEST

reacting.

TINY’S VOICE
Why? What about him?

111. ANGLE ON STAGE

as the dummy swings around and faces West with the painted, lifeless smile:

DUMMY
I just came from his wedding--and there was no one there…

TINY
How come?

DUMMY
He wanted to keep it a secret service.

112. ANGLE ON WEST

eyes narrowed, as he continues to push his way through the crowd, and suddenly Pylo--who is not even close to West--wheels menacingly to him:

PYLO
Who do you think you’re shoving?

West measures the gunsel with his eyes--and becomes covertly aware that TWO MORE GUNSELS are separating themselves from the crowd and closing in on him.

WEST
(mildly)
Sorry.

PYLO
Sorry, he says! Well, sorry don’t feed the bulldog, see?

He unleashes a vicious swing that West ducks, then counters, rocking him with a fast one two, and in the midst of a milling crowd West finds himself pitted against three gunsels--disposing first of one, then two, and finally, with considerably more leisure now, the third--

--during the interval of which, others have started their own private fracas, and suddenly the room is filled with flying fists, chairs and everything else that isn’t securely fasted down;

West pushes through the fighters, avoiding participation in the battle, but his progress is slowed by the milling, mauling mob.

113. ANOTHER ANGLE

as West reaches the stage, with the fight going on behind him, he finds it empty. He leaps up to it, pushes through the curtain and disappears.

114. INT. CORRIDOR – WEST – DAY

proceeding along it cautiously, when he suddenly stops, reacting alertly.

115. HIS POV

a door--one of many lining the corridor--is slowly creaking open a few inches--and from within we HEAR:

LOVELESS’ VOICE
Tell me, Tiny, when is a door not a door?

TINY’S VOICE
I don't know, Homer--when is a door not a door?

LOVELESS’ VOICE
When it’s ajar, of course--

West kicks the door open and leaps into the room, crouched, ready for anything…

116. INT. DRESSING ROOM – NIGHT

… and finds himself in a dressing room, richly, elegantly furnished, with Tiffany shades, elaborate furniture, even an organ--all scaled down to the dimensions of a small man--

--and seated at a dressing table at the far end, his back to West, with a glass of champagne at his elbow is the ‘dummy’--still wearing the costume he wore during the ventriloquist performances.

WEST
(moving toward ‘dummy’)
Tell me, Homer, when is a ventriloquist’s dummy not a ventriloquist’s dummy?

West grasps the dummy’s shoulder, swings it around and finds…

117. CLOSE SHOT – THE DUMMY

… that it’s just that--a ventriloquist’s dummy constructed to look like Dr. Loveless.

LOVELESS’ VOICE
When it’s Doctor Loveless, of course.

West turns to find a panel in the wall sliding open to disclose Dr. Loveless--

--seated at a small console, studded with a bewildering array of knobs, dials, and levers--

--while standing beside him is the murderous bulk of Tiny--

--and suddenly staring first at the absolutely immobile figure of Tiny, then at the fine, armoured lines running from Tiny to the console Loveless is presiding over, West’s eyes widen incredulously, --as Loveless flicks a lever, and Tiny starts advancing slowly toward West, over the SOUND of GEARS MESHING, and the HISS and escaping puffs of steam--HOLD, then

FREEZE FRAME:

END OF SECOND ACT

James: Thanks, Artie.
Artemus: "Thanks Artie"! Is that all you can say to me? I've just come back from the grave, risen like Lazarus, and that's what you say? "Thanks, Artie"?
James: Thanks, Artie.
Artemus: It's a pleasure.
- TNOT Pistoleros
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Posted - 08/14/2013 :  08:32:22  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
ACT THREE

FADE IN:

117A. INT. LOVELESS’ DRESSING ROOM – NIGHT

CONTINUOUS ACTION--Tiny is advancing toward West--who backs away, as:

WEST
You’ve outdone yourself, doctor.

LOVELESS
Why, thank you, Mr. West.

WEST
Or is that an overgrown tin soldier made up in the Black Forest by some crazy toymaker?

LOVELESS
Oh, not at all, West--I created Tiny!

West is slowly backing away from the advancing Tiny during all this aware of the MUTED CLASHING OF GEARS that accompanies all the robot’s movements--and the tiny wisps of steam that escape from its joints time to time, during which:

LOVELESS (CONT'D)
I constructed him out of the top grade Swedish steel--his power comes from the finest high-pressure steam condensers made by Siemens, in Germany--his remote controls fabricated by the incredible artistry of Armand Freres, of Paris--
(a beat)
--and he’s welded and held together by my determination to see you dead!

118. CLOSE – ON LOVELESS

as he manipulates a control and ‘Tiny” leaps forward…

119. BACK TO SCHOOL

… West’s derringer flips into his hand; West FIRES once, twice--

--and the CLANN-G-G’S and the SHRIEK of ricocheting bullets testify to ‘Tiny’s’ bullet-proof construction--West hurls the now empty derringer at Tiny and leaps aside as ‘Tiny’s’ monstrous metal arm flashes past in a vicious arc, under the gleeful manipulation of Loveless…

120. ANOTHER ANGLE

as West cautiously backs away, remorselessly followed by the towering humanoid, manipulatsed by the malevolent little man/brain perched on the robot’s back.

WEST
(incongruously casual as he backs away)
By the way, Doctor, I meant to ask you…

LOVELESS
(elaborately polite as he pursues)
Please do, Mr. West.

WEST
The Continental is your circus, I presume.

LOVELESS
(purring)
My latest diversion!

WEST
I had such a fun session in your funhouse but the really funny thing is, they tell me your circus was over twenty miles away when it happened…

LOVELESS
(delightedly)
I thought that might confuse you--I left the funhouse behind--set it up in an empty Lodge hall I rented--all for you!

‘Tiny’ leaps forward again, lethal Swedish steel arms flashing as West in one deadly arc after another--

--and West seizes chairs and smashes them against the monster, gaining precious seconds to back off again, each time…

121. ANOTHER ANGLE – SHOOTING FROM BEHIND WEST

We see West continuing the back away from the advancing peril he faces, unaware that a Dresden humidor, dislodged by all the maneuvering, is lying on the floor, right in the path he is blindly taking--

--then West’s foot contacts the humidor--his balance momentarily upset, West staggers--and Loveless utilizes the opportunity to manipulate ‘Tiny’ into a savage leap forward…

122. ANOTHER ANGLE

showing ‘Tiny’s’ hands flashing closed around West’s neck; West desperately tries to pull the arms apart, but it’s impossible. The metal hands close tighter and tighter on his throat, cutting off precious breath…

123. CLOSE – ON LOVELESS

His eyes shining as he delicately, oh so delicately manipulates controls…

124. CLOSE – ON WEST

as the limits of his endurance are reached and he suddenly goes limp; Loveless expels air regretfully, manipulates a control that retracts ‘Tiny’s’ fingers, and West slumps inertly to the ground floor…

125. ANOTHER ANGLE

CAMERA discloses Delilah combing her hair as she emerges from the wall panel and saunters over to look down on the prostrate West.

DELILAH
Dead?

LOVELESS
Dear me, no! Temporarily unconscious, that’s all.

Delilah dips down into the front of her dress and comes up with a small, sequined-covered revolver; as she cocks it:

DELILAH
Why not polish him off?

For the first time we see Loveless react toward Delilah in a flash of volcanic anger that causes her to shrink from him;

LOVELESS

Why not? And why not throw away the third act of “Don Juan”--slice the “Mona Lisa” into half a dozen sections--chip the Star of India into a dozen mediocre diamonds, or…!

He stops, suddenly contrite at the effect his anger is having on Delilah; Loveless reaches out, takes the gun from her, tosses it across the room, then takes her hand and presses it against his lips;

LOVELESS (CONT'D)
Delilah, my pearl--there’s an exquisitely correct time and place for everything--and this is neither the time nor the place for James West’s requiem!

FLIP TO:

126. EXT. CHUTE – (STOCK “VIPERS”) – NIGHT

We see a large, oblong box rocketing down a long, wooden chute… and hitting the water with an explosion of spray; for a brief moment it is visible--then the waters close over it;

127. UNDERWATER SHOT (MODEL)

of the casket-like box settling deeper and deeper into the water--as we can see by the darker hue the depths assume.

128. IN THE CASKET – NIGHT

In an elaborately padded interior (buttoned) West is sprawled out, unconscious--his face illuminated by the tiny, lustre-covered sconces on the ‘wall’--

129. UNDERWATER SHOT (MODEL)

The descending casket reaches the bottom (if possible, the sea-like aspects should be emphasized by barnacle-encrusted anchor nearby, etc.) and teeters on one side before settling in a flat position.

130. INT. CASKET – NIGHT

… and as if as a result of the jar of settling to the bottom, West’s eyes are seen to flutter--he opens them, stares around incredulously…

… then, tuning on his side with difficulty, he flips aside what we will realize are a pair of Empire-style drapes along one of the ‘walls’ and reacts incredulously to the sight of…

130A. OPTICAL SHOT – UNDERWATER

… the sea bottom, complete with a random fish that swims by, etc.

131. BACK TO SCENE

as West lets the drapes fall back into their closed position, looks around, then reacts even more grimly at what he sees…

132. HIS POV – FAR END OF CASKET

… where the ‘wall’ meets the ‘ceiling’--and where we see a trickle was water forcing its way out through he padded covering--and growing in volume, even as we watch.

133. BACK TO SCENE

West reaches into his pockets, comes up with a flat, metal disk (about the size of a large compact), on the top and bottom of which he inserts metal rods that telescope into longer rods, so that in very short order the metal disk is being supported by the telescoping rods being pressed against the ‘floor’ and the ‘ceiling’--

--a bullet from West’s gunbelt is inserted into an aperture on the metal disk--a beat, then West pulls a small lanyard o the metal disk--

--a puff of smoke erupts from the disk…

134. UNDERWATER SHOT (MODEL)

… and the top of the casket bursts out under the enormous pressure being exerted within…

135. SHOT – WEST

… liberated (we don’t see him emerging from casket, of course)--thrusting vigorously toward the surface.

136. SHOT – THE SURFACE – NIGHT

… as West breaks the surface, gasping for breath, then starts swimming toward the (unseen) shore.

DISSOLVE TO:

137. EXT. Denver – ESTABLISHING SHOT – (STOCK) – DAY

DISSOLVE TO:

138. INT. CYRUS BARLOW STUDY – NIGHT

It’s properly elegant, with all the usual appurtenances of great wealth; fine hangings, tasteful paintings on the walls, books, everywhere--

-- and now that we notice it, a great profusion of mounted insects everywhere, too; glazed display cases of butterflies and moths on the wall, beetles and walking stick insects spread out on mounting boards, etc….

… and our first glimpse of CYRUS BARLOW himself is of a PINK-CHEEKED, WHITE-HAIRED OLDSTER who wears a look as if he wears a perpetual, happy, astonished smile, but right now, is staring in a state of extreme puzzlement at Artemus, seen pacing, nearby.

BARLOW
Mr. Gordon, I have a lot of respect for the United States Secret Service, but how you managed to jump to the conclusion that I’m Saturday’s child…

ARTEMUS
It’s got to be, sir! Loving and giving--that describes the career you’ve made of giving away all those millions--and there’s no one else in Denver that fits the description!

BARLOW
But even so…

ARTEMUS
Please go along with me, sir! Continuing with your daily routine--

BARLOW
(sighing)
But it’s so confoundedly dull!

ARTEMUS
(grimly)
Not to anyone who’s bound and determined to kidnap you, sir.

BARLOW
(sighing)
All right; after breakfast, my chairman of the board and a gaggle of directors barge in and I have to spend an hour or so pretending to listen to them--
(a sudden outburst of enthusiasm as he holds up a specimen)
Look at this fine specimen of a cicada--seventeen years it spends underground before it…

ARTEMUS
(firmly)
And after your business conference, sir?

BARLOW
(sighing again)
I usually drive over to the Stockman’s Club, stopping along the way to buy a flower from Sadie, the old flower lady, and maybe discuss a little politics with Chris, the shoe-shine man…

SERVANT’S VOICE
Excuse me, sir…

CAMERA ANGLES to show a SERVANT in the doorway:

SERVANT
… your carriage is waiting.

ARTEMUS
(to servant)
Mr. Barlow will be about fifteen minutes late this morning…

SERVANT
(uncertainly)
Yes, sir.

He EXITS--Artemus turns to face Mr. Barlow.

ARTEMUS
Mr. Barlow, how would you like to devote the entire day to your insects?

Barlow’s expression is suddenly radiant at the prospect.

FLIP TO:

139. EXT. SHOE SHINE STAND – DAY

Mr. Barlow is in the last stages of having his shoes shined--or at least we jump to the conclusion that it is Mr. Barlow, until we get a closer look and see that it’s really Artemus, very skillfully made up for the occasion…

… and Chris, we see, is the PROPRIETOR of the shoe shine stand. Chris SNAPS the shoe shine cloth against Artemus’ shoes for the final high gloss and folds Artemus’ cuffs down--

--Artemus gets stiffly to his feet, pats Chris’ shoulder and MOVES OFF…

140. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT CURB

… where we see Artemus’ (Barlow’s) carriage; Artemus is helped aboard by the driver, who climbs onto his seat and CLUCKS the horses into motion…

141. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT FLOWER STAND

… and comes to rest at another point where we see a tiny little flower stand set up, with the shawl-draped proprietress holding out bunches of flowers, her back turned to us; Artemus dismounts with his old-man’s cautiousness, approaches the flower vendor, and:

ARTEMUS
Good morning, Sadie, what do you have for me this…

He stops, staring, as CAMERA ANGLES and we see that Sadie, far from being old, is young, beautiful--and Delilah, to boot.

DELILAH
Sadie’s got a cold, Mr. Barlow; I’m filling in for her…

142. ANOTHER ANGLE – ON THE BARLOW CARRIAGE DRIVER

We see a hand come INTO VIEW, then yank the driver clean out of his seat; and OFFSTAGE SCUFFLING NOISE, A THUD--then another driver mounts up, wearing the same livery--but obviously a gunsel.

143. BACK TO ARTEMUS AND DELILAH

Delilah is pinning a nosegay into Artemus’ lapel, and Artemus is sniffing it wonderingly.

ARTEMUS
My, what a strange, pungent smell this flower has--it’s rather heady, isn’t it…?

Even as Artemus speaks, his knees are getting rubbery--at the last he would have fallen if a couple of gunsels hadn’t materialized--each takes one of Artemus’ arms and practically hauls his semi-conscious bulk up into the carriage, rapidly driving off with him.

144. SHOT – DELILAH

running a comb through her long hair as she stares after the carriage with a mirthless ghost of a smile--as we

FREEZE FRAME:

END OF ACT THREE

James: Thanks, Artie.
Artemus: "Thanks Artie"! Is that all you can say to me? I've just come back from the grave, risen like Lazarus, and that's what you say? "Thanks, Artie"?
James: Thanks, Artie.
Artemus: It's a pleasure.
- TNOT Pistoleros
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California gal
SS senior field agent

USA
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Posted - 08/14/2013 :  08:33:32  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
FOURTH ACT

FADE IN:

145. EXT. CIRCUS GROUNDS – ESTABLISHING – DAY….

… then PICK UP West sauntering through the alleys formed by the tents and booths, munching on popcorn from the bag he holds in one hand--as h e makes his way to:

146. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT TICKET BOOTH

… the ticket booth where we see the GLOSSY CARNIVAL TYPE stacking up change and arranging rolls of tickets--during which we will become aware of the SOUNDS of a CIRCUS BAND, coming from the nearby Big Top.

WEST
(digging out a dollar)
One, for the big show.

TICKET SELLER
(doesn’t even look up)
Sorry, neighbor, there’s no performance today.

This comes hard on the heels of a climactic “Tah-dah!” BURST of MUSIC, from the tent, followed by APPLAUSE and CHEERS from the AUDIENCE.

WEST
(wryly--head cocked)
I see; I’ll take a ticket, anyway.

There’s the SOUND of someone going TSK-TSK, as CAMERA ANGLES…

146A. ANOTHER ANGLE

… to show Pylo sauntering into view, shaking his head regretfully, a gun in his hand aimed at West:

PYLO
You know what you are, Mister?

WEST
Don’t tell me, let me guess;
(tentatively)
Pushy?

PYLO
Yeah, that’s right; and I’m going to show you what happens to pushy people…

We never get to find out, because West ducks and flicks his wrist, all in one lightning motion: Pylo’s gun barks--the bullet whistles past West’s ear--

-- but almost simultaneously the blizzard of popcorn hits Pylo’s face, blinding him long enough for West to karate chop the gun out of the other’s hand.

146B. ANOTHER ANGLE

West stoops, picks up Pylo’s gun and calmly dumps it into a large container of pink lemonade in a nearby booth--

--ducks the infuriated swing of Pylo who has rushed at him and the fight is on; it roves over the area, with Pylo tripping over tent ropes in a furious exchange of punches…

… and during which the two go crashing through concession booths, setting a large wheel-of-fortune spinning…

146C. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT HIGH STRIKER *

… culminating in Pylo snatching up the heavy high striker mallet lying nearby and swinging it viciously at West--who avoids it, knocks Pylo sprawling, then he snatches up the mallet, swings it high into the striking position--

--with Pylo cowering as he waits for it to descend--then he reacts unbelievingly as West whirls and brings the mallet down on the high striker treadle, causing the weight to shot up into vigorous contact with the bell…

… during which Pylo leaps to his feet and scurries away; West starts to run after him, then stops, turns to a small stand near the High Striker, on which there are a number of small Kewpie dolls--obviously prizes for ringing the bell; West helps himself to a Kewpie doll, tosses the mallet to the ground, the heads for…

************************************
* The “Test-your-strength” device, where a heavy wooden mallet is used to strike a horizontal treadle, which in turn sends a weight zooming upwards on a heavy wire where it (hopefully) strikes a bell.
************************************



146D. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT TICKET BOOTH

… the ticket seller, where, casually dangling his Kewpie doll, he holds out a bill to the wide-eyed ticket seller;

WEST
As I was saying, one, to the big show.

Without another word the ticket seller takes the bill and hands West a ticket; West turns and saunters…

146E. ANOTHER ANGLE – BIG TOP TENT ENTRANCE

… to the big top entrance, lifts the flap, enters…

147 INT. BIG TOP – WEST – DAY

… and finds himself in pitch darkness. He looks off toward the ring.

148. HIS POV

The darkness is pierced by criss-crossing fiery arcs--a beat, then we see that a JUGGLER is doing impossible things with several flaming tenpins; the MUSIC PLAYS on, with each successive juggling variation being greeted with “OH!”’s, “AH!”’s, and APPLAUSE.

149. BACK TO WEST

Beyond the above, he can’t see a thing, then, from the darkness…

VOICE
This way, please…

A hand takes his arm and guides him OUT OF SCENE.

150. ANGLE OF GRANDSTAND

Still nothing can be seen. West, guided by the unseen usher, is directed to a seat which he drops into, watching the o.s. performance.

151. IN THE SPOTLIGHT

The juggler receives TUMULTUOUS APPLAUSE as his act ends. He leaps down from his pedestal and EXITS…

152. ANOTHER ANGLE – FROM THE RING TOWARD THE GRANDSTAND

… as the lights come on… to reveal that West is seated alone in the empty grandstand! CAMERA ZOOMS IN CLOSE ON his face, catching his reaction as he stares off…

153. CLOSE SHOT – WEST

lips twisted in a wry smile--as if what he had been expecting was very much what he is now seeing.

153A. BACK TO SCENE – ANOTHER ANGLE

Now lights come up, picking out the half circle of witness boxes spread out before him in the ring--exaggeratedly tall, actually no more than platforms, with wooden railings around them--

--each witness box occupied, we see, by the same cast of prisoners seen earlier in the cages--now swelled with the addition of Anton Dworshak, the blacksmith--

--and looming off to one side of the witness boxes is a monstrous, silver, eagle-like cannon, that is slowly moved forward on its wheeled carriage--until we can make out Dr. Loveless wearing his ringmaster’s outfit, sitting at his ease on the gun platform; the cannon stops moving and Loveless steps to the ground, turns to the breech of the cannon, calling out:

LOVELESS
Thank you, Delilah, beautifully done, as usual.

And now we can see that Delilah is also on the cannon platform, manipulating a series of control at the back, responsible for the cannon’s movement--

153B. BACK TO SCENE

Dr. Loveless cracks his ringmaster’s whip as he beams at West.

LOVELESS
So--now, at long last, you are here.

West stares thoughtfully at Loveless, nodding, as if a private suspicion is being confirmed:

WEST
That refreshing dip into the water--was well as my little meeting with Pylo, outside--all part of your grand plan?

LOVELESS
Of course! There’s something of the salmon about you, West--the fiercer and more impossible the cataracts that face you, the more furiously you swim through them to win your goal!

The FAINT WHIRR alerts West--in time to see the two BLACK-CLAD GUNSELS zooming down as they slide along invisible wires to take up their stations on either side of him.

WEST
(indicating gunsels)
My guard of honor, I suppose?

LOVELESS
(nodding)
Just in case you might be tempted to make of one of your heroic, futile gestures.

West nods pleasantly to the two ominous looking gunsels before turning back to Loveless:

WEST
Not a chance--
(getting to his feet)
--at least, not before you demonstrate what a marvelously clever plan you’ve dreamed up this time.

Loveless ROARS WITH LAUGHTER, then ambles over to the platform facing the half circle of witness boxes--a platform on which we see a console, with controls and switches--

--climbs the section of stair leading to the platform, then turns to West.

LOVELESS
It’s quite a simple plan, West--it’s called retribution! Punishment, if you please--for all who have become my mortal enemies--in short, a trial!

WEST
(nodding)
I see; with you playing the roles of judge, prosecutor, jury and executioner, of course.

LOVELESS
Not at all! I am the prosecutor, it’s true--
(pointing off)
--but they are the executioners…

154. ANOTHER ANGLE

Showing the half dozen armed, evilly grinning gunsels lolling at their ease under the great protective net used by the tightrope walker…

155. BACK TO SCENE

LOVELESS
--here we have the distinguished Judge…

He manipulates several controls on the console as he speaks, and suddenly we become aware of the monstrous bulk of ‘Tiny,’ wearing a caricature of a judge’s wig and gown, who rises to his feet from a sitting position, nearby with a HISS of escaping steam--

--turns and bows to Loveless and to West, all, obviously, in response to the controls that Loveless manipulates--

--then, as abruptly as he arose, with another HISS OF STEAM, ‘Tiny’ seats himself, in response to Loveless’ skillful manipulations.

WEST
I’m impressed; what do you have in the way of a jury?

LOVELESS
The finest that money can buy!

He presses another switch on his console, and in response, a light leaps into life, illuminating a curtain, far back from the center of the ring…

… which is drawn back, as we watch, exposing a caricature of a jury box, housing twelve sheep fixed in position so that their heads protrude from opening in the front of the box…

… and immediately all twelve sheep set up a CLAMOROUS BA-A-A-A-A-ing.

155. BACK TO SCENE

West turns gravely to Loveless.

WEST
Twelve good men and true.

LOVELESS
A typical jury!
(mockingly, turning to the ‘Judge’)
But now, if it please the court, let the first witness be called to the bar of Judgment.

He fiddles with the console controls as he speaks…

157. SHOT – THE ‘JUDGE’

inclining his head, like a Judge granting permission.

158. BACK TO SCENE

Loveless goes through the motions of pretending to read from a long, rolled sheet of paper:

LOVELESS
Miss Lynn Carstairs…

159. SHOT – LYNN CARSTAIRS

as an overhead light picks her out in the semi-gloom…

(NOTE: during the following, INTERCUT)

LOVELESS
I had a friend--an earnest young protégé, whom I sent to you, asking for your help in establishing her as an actress; what was your answer?

LYNN
Please! If I had only known…!

LOVELESS
(remorselessly)
You sneered at her, didn’t you? You called her graceless--a scullery maid
(swinging round to jury, flicking his whip)
Jury! How say you?

JURY
BA-A-A-A-A-A!!!

LOVELESS
Death, you say? So ordered:
(back to his sheet of paper)
Ivan Kalinkavitch, to the bar of judgment!

160. SHOT – IVAN KALINKOVITCH

as Miss Carstair’s light is extinguished and another light suddenly picks out the haggard handsomeness of Ivan:

IVAN
(eagerly)
Listen, Doctor, I didn’t know it was your ballet--I will gladly admit to the whole world that you were the composer, not I!

LOVELESS
Jury, what is the fitting punishment for one who pirates another’s creation?

He flicks his whip with a CR-R-A-C-K!

JURY
BA-A-A-A-A-A!!!

LOVELESS
The supreme penalty. So ordered!
(reading)
Judge Alonzo Fairlie--
(looking up)
The death sentence comes so easy to your lips--doesn’t it?

161. SHOT – JUDGE FAIRLIE

His face composed and unafraid in the brutal light.

FAIRLIE
(evenly--unafraid_
When the facts warrant it, yes.

LOVELESS
Facts! It wasn’t facts you ordered executed--it was a dear friend, and for that--
(swinging around, snapping his whip)
Jury?

JURY
BA-A-A-A-A-A!!!

LOVELESS
(to Fairlie)
So--the jury finds that the facts now warrant your death! So ordered!
(glances at paper, then:)
Biff Trout, the peerless and incomparable rider of horses…

162. SHOT – BIFF TROUT

sweating, openly nervous, in the glare of the light that picks him out.

LOVELESS’ VOICE
… tell the jury, what is the worst crime a jockey can commit?

163. BACK TO SCENE

BIFF
(licking dry lips)
Look, Doc, so I threw the race--I’ll make it up t’you, honest…!

LOVELESS
(contemptuously)
You preposterous fool! It isn’t the hundred thousand dollars you robbed me of--it’s the principle of uncorrupted sport!
(turning to the jury, flicking his whip)
Jurors?

JURY
BA-A-A-A-A-A!!!

LOVELESS
Disqualified from further participating in life. So ordered!
(glances at paper, then:)
The case of Anton Dworshak…

164. SHOT – ANTON DWORSHAK

as the light on Biff is extinguished and another light picks out the bewildered face of Dworshak:

ANTON
What--what did I ever do to you?

LOVELESS
You made the mistake of being the foreman on Judge Fairlie’s jury! You were the stout-hearted one who held out for the guilty verdict, weren’t you?
(crack of the whip)
Jury?

JURY
BA-A-A-A-A-A!!!

LOVELESS
(turning to Dworshak)
I hope your affairs are in order, Dworshak.

165. ANOTHER ANGLE – INCLUDING WEST

a sardonically amused viewer of the proceedings.

WEST
There’s still Saturday and Sunday to go, and you seem to have run out of enemies--too bad.

LOVELESS
You think so, eh?

He snaps his fingers, and again on cue, one of the gunsels emerges from behind the curtain masking framing the jury box--leading Artemus, who looks around in a state of elaborate bewilderment…

166. CLOSE SHOT – WEST AND Artemus

… and we see the swift, veiled glance of recognition pass between them--during which we HEAR:

LOVELESS’S VOICE
Saturday’s child, who is loving and giving--Cyrus Barlow!

167. BACK TO SCENE

Artemus flings off the gunsel’s hand with the sudden burst of an old man’s indignation at being manhandled.

Artemus
Who’s the head man around here?

LOVELESS
Blame me for taking you away from your toys, sir.

ARTEMUS
My what?

LOVELESS
You spend your days collecting insects and giving away millions--a rich man’s eccentric playthings.

ARTEMUS
I see; and for committing such unpardonable crimes…?

LOVELESS
(pointing to ‘jury’)
You will be tried by a jury of your peers.

Artemus turns, reacts, and puts on a magnificent show of outrage--then, containing his anger with seeming difficulty:

ARTEMUS
Fine looking set of jurors; any objection to me pleading my case before them?

Loveless reacts delightedly, the bows, with a “be-my-guest” gesture at the ‘jury.’

168. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT JURY

as Artemus comes up and leans against the jury rail--

ARTEMUS
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the charge has been made that I’m addicted to collecting insects--and giving away millions--
(a beat)
--and it’s true; they’re both habits I can’t seem to break…

169. CLOSE SHOT – ARTEMUS’ HAND

we see him surreptitiously removing a toy butterfly from his pocket, deftly winding the small windup key on its underside, during which we HEAR:

ARTEMUS’ VOICE
Collecting insects never earned me a single blessed enemy--but in the matter of giving away my millions I’ve had nothing but trouble!

170. ANOTHER ANGLE

as Artemus swings around to Loveless.

ARTEMUS
For instance--you tell the jury! What was it I did to offend you?

LOVELESS
I appealed to you for financing my project to make all men equal in stature--and you laughed!

ARTEMUS
I did? At a plan to increase the height of little men--like you?

LOVELESS
No! To shrink the height of big men like you! And for turning down my project…

He swings around to the ‘jury,’ his whip CRA-A-ACKKing like a rifle shot…

JURY
BA-A-A-A-A-A!!!

LOVELESS
Of course, death is the only possible verdict!
(turning to West)
And now, last, but certainly not least--Sunday’s child is bonnie and brave--who would that be, West?

WEST
(eyes narrowed)
How many guesses do I have?

LOVELESS
I’ll give you a hint--he’s been a pebble in my shoe as long as I can remember--with an irritating capacity for upsetting my most inspired plans…!

During the above, CAMERA HAS MOVED IN…

171. CLOSE SHOT – Artemus

… to show Artemus surreptitiously extracting the toy butterfly from his pocket--

--and launching it into the air, where it flitters away.

172. ANOTHER ANGLE

as Artemus, eyes shining, whips a butterfly net out of his pocket and moves away from the gunsel guarding him, pointing to the butterfly.

ARTEMUS
A silver-streaked Fritillary!

173. FULL SHOT

the gunsel has automatically lifted his gun butt to bring it down on Artemus’ skull when Loveless stops him with a peremptory gesture:

LOVELESS
(wonderingly--with infinite contempt)
Look at him! In the shadow of death, and he’s still collecting his butterflies!

He shakes his head as he watched Artemus’ meandering pursuit of the ‘butterfly,’ which brings him to one of the two main poles to which the tightrope walker’s safety net is fastened…

172. SHOT – BUTTERFLY

as it suddenly EXPLODES in a magnificent crimson cloud of smoke…

175. SHOT – Artemus

… and simultaneously, Artemus whips out a knife and *****es the rope through, sending one end of the huge net smashing down on the gunsels who are situated under it…

… while West, in a magnificently synchronized movement, whirls, sends one of the two gunsels guarding him flying with a hard right, then ducks the vicious swing of the other, then decks number two…

176. ANOTHER ANGLE – ON Artemus

… during which Artemus has raced to the other pole supporting the other end of the net, *****ed the second rope and now the entire net settles on the helplessly tangled, struggling mass of gunsels underneath.

177. SHOT – LOVELESS

recovering from his stunned reaction at the sudden complex of developments, then hurling himself forward, manipulating controls with desperate fury…

178. BACK TO WEST

… flinging himself off to one side to escape the sudden bull-like rush of Tiny, activated by Loveless; again and again West ducks the lethal swings of the impregnable monster, until finally the opportunity presents itself;

179. ANOTHER ANGLE

as West flips around behind Tiny, and before the monster can whirl around, West has extracted a ping-pong ball-shaped object that he smashes up against Tiny’s back--to which it sticks; West dives off to one side…

… and the next moment Tiny staggers, almost obscured by the smoke that erupts from the small EXPLOSIVE charge West has detonated--and comes to a frozen halt.

180. SHOT – LOVELESS

scrambling down from the console control tower…

181. BACK TO TINY

… as the high-pressure s team boilers within Tiny give way with a ROAR, completely shattering what was once a humanoid.

182. ANOTHER ANGLE – ON LOVELESS

racing away, followed by West--and incredibly enough, West realizes Loveless is racing for the massive cannon, finally arriving at the muzzle, pausing long enough to cry out:

LOVELESS
Delilah1 Now!

Then he has whisked himself into the barrel--and completely out of sight--just before West comes racing up, followed by Artemus; both react amazedly as the gun barrel is elevated far into the air, then suddenly, without warning, the cannon is discharged with a ROAR-R-R!!

183. SHOT

the indistinct blurred passage of something hurtling out of the huge cannon--

184. REVERSE SHOT

--and smashing through the canvas of the tent; West and Artemus break into a run…

185. EXT. BIG TOP – DAY

… and emerge with a rush, looking around, then West gestures, pointing off--both break into another run…

186. ANOTHER ANGLE

… and finally arrive at a small, crumpled body sprawled in the grass; Artemus gently starts to straighten out the twisted form, then reacts--

--and lifts the Loveless doll high--for that’s what it obviously is; and from the innards of the doll we HEAR:

LOVELESS DOLL
(tiny, doll-like, but unmistakably the voice of Loveless)
There will surely be a next time, gentlemen, a next time, a next time, a next time, a next…

On West’s and Artemus’ somber expressions.

FADE OUT.

TAG

FADE IN:

187. INT. WEST’S VARNISH – DAY

Artemus is seen reading from a sheaf of papers he holds--

ARTEMUS
… local police quickly rounded up all other Loveless gang members who managed to escape, including Delilah, and…

As he reads he glances up, and we see him trail to a stop…

188. ANOTHER ANGLE

… at the sight of West, seated nearby, giving all his attention to a puzzle he holds in both hands--it’s the three-balls-in-three-holes type of puzzle, and it’s obvious West hasn’t been listening to Artemus at all.

ARTEMUS
(clearing his throat)
You getting all this, Jim?

WEST
(abstractedly)
Haven’t missed a word, Artie.

ARTEMUS
(pretending to read on)
… except for Dr. Loveless, who made a surprise re-appearance, armed with a Gatling gun, with which he mowed down all opposition and left them in a pool of gore.

Artemus looks up, waiting for West’s reaction--which finally arrives in a rush, as West whirls around.

WEST
What!?

West catches himself, joins in Artemus’ grin…

189. ANOTHER ANGLE – AT SIDEBOARD

… then goes to the sideboard, followed by Artemus; during the following, West pours from a brandy bottle into three brandy snifters.

WEST
We’ll cross Dr. Loveless’s path again, Artie--here’s to an early--and final meeting with him.

ARTEMUS
I’ll drink to that, Jim!

Both sip from their snifters, then, as Artemus lowers his snifter from his lips, we see his eyes widen--

190. ANOTHER ANGLE

--then we see both are staring at the third brandy snifter nearby--

--which is now seen to be empty! On their confounded expressions as they stare at the empty glass,

FADE OUT:

THE END

James: Thanks, Artie.
Artemus: "Thanks Artie"! Is that all you can say to me? I've just come back from the grave, risen like Lazarus, and that's what you say? "Thanks, Artie"?
James: Thanks, Artie.
Artemus: It's a pleasure.
- TNOT Pistoleros
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